PTSD

In everything I have been taught today I learned a little more about what it means.  Not only CAN it happen to me.... it WILL.  It did.  It will happen to you and I cannot stop it but because I have become a part of it and I can never ever erase it because it put its fist straight through my heart and took so much of my soul.  Not one of us who suffer can describe the reality because it is invisible.  This modern world exists because of war we cannot see and we walk blindfolded through land mines on our own battlefield praying that we make it, then begging God to let us die when we get a glimpse into that side.  Why me? Why not.  I am not the only one.  A curse or a gift I cannot decide why I have the ability to see them and they are everywhere.  I cannot hide but I hate them and they attach themselves to all of us, even me.  I cannot see you I can only see them and I cannot understand why you do not recognize them.  I am not understood by you and so I keep myself closed tight because they surely hate me and so you will also because you obey them.   I want to love you because God commands me to, but I hate what they will make us do to each other to our own hearts why cant I just close me eyes and enjoy this ride that is my life like a limb from my body joy was taken from me and thats my definition of PTSD.