Understanding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

So many people dont understand P.T.S.D..  Less than a year ago one of those people was me. on a side note on a whim I asked a question that stopped him cold in his tracks he stared at me he said, ma'am, I believe you have P.T.S.D..  Less than a year ago has been an eternity for me.  I was only asked one question - by half dozen of them at least, "ma'am, please tell us why you left the military".  I looked down low at my feet in shame - I told each one of them exactly the same honest and truthful answer and when I finally told them I was crazy, each time I made them cry.  Their tears for me were genuine in disbelief I shook my head, "Dont you see what I have done? I flipped my own universe upside down!"  I had tried so hard  to go back to being me, I did not know thats impossible with P.T.S.D.. I blamed myself I was so ashamed - sad and lonely I became. Not my fault they kept telling me I shook my head no way I would accept the weakness, anxiety, and depression in me is caused from an illness called P.T.S.D.  The joy in my heart I cannot feel I can only remember it was once very real.  I must learn to function without that limb using artificial tools I feel like such a fool like everyone is making fun of me and I think they are laughing but nobody laughs at P.T.S.D..  I have my days as we all do but today I am writing to share with you that as sure as this pain, happiness can also be real.  Take small steps its a very long way so many promises to someday take away the pain in my heart and replace it with purpose my feelings no longer forged or faked.  The only way I know to love the ones that are close to me is to protect them by making them tougher than me because one day they could struggle with this same reality that is an illness called P.T.S.D.